Bubble - A Reply in a Discussion

A REPLY IN A DISCUSSION
Posted on Facebook by Ian Moore on Thursday, 14 April 2011 at 15:22·

Oh, beautiful Tatiana of my heart, if I am mozzarella (I can be cheesy from time to time, it must be said) then you are the golden base that gives my existence meaning.

Do I believe there is suffering? Do I believe that agrochemicals have detrimental effects on the environment? Yes, and yes. I believe there is a great deal of suffering going on, and I believe there is a great deal of damage being done to the environment. I believe there is pollution being pumped into the world on many different levels: chemical, nuclear, garbage, emotional, idealogical and more. I believe that people are killing each other, attacking each other, raping each other and allowing each other to starve, and die of exposure. I believe people are left to be lonely, even when they live in cities and towns surrounded by other lonely people. I believe there is as much human misery out there as I care to look for and then a million times more.

Do I feel compassion for those who are suffering? Yes. Do I feel compassion for myself when I suffer? Yes.

There is much going on in the world. There is much going on in Findhorn, in Forres, in Moray, in Scotland, in Britain, in Europe, in the Northern hemisphere, in the entire world, and probably in the galaxy and the universe, I dare say. Yes, yes and another yes for good measure. The scale of the thing is quite something, isn't it?

Am I distressed by all of this? No, I am not.

My name is Ianto. I live in a world in which many scary and painful things occur. In my life so far I have no doubt purchased products that have contributed to the pollution of the planet. I have no doubt hurt people with my words and actions. And yes, I do desire to give a good account of myself...and I desire to do that FOR myself, and in a way that is meaningful and comprehensible to me.

Part of this conversation has been about information overload and this is a pertinent issue that relates to my viewpoint: there is much going on. Some folk say nuclear power isn't anywhere near as harmful as it is made out. Some folk say it is much more dangerous than we are told. I really do not trust the information that is given to me by others. Not by you and other friends, not by the news, not by the scientists, not by the religions, not by folk channeling spiritual entities. I just don't. All of these sources of information will direct their knowledge at me with powerful conviction, persuasive conviction. And yet I am one of the strongest people I know...

I have come to take my experience as my guide, over and above the teachings and the information of others. And this is no small thing.

My name is Ianto and I am here.

And whether I live a life in which I bring more joy, happiness, comfort, compassion, love to the world, or whether I do the opposite, I am still here. If somebody wishes to tell me there are things I should do in this life, in order to have this result, or that result, then they are perfectly at liberty to tell me. But I declare here and now that there is nothing I need do in this life in order to validate my existence, in order to make it alright for myself that I have breathed valuable oxygen, eaten valuable food, drunk valuable water, that I have created waste products.

And there is nothing I ask from any of you, not the peace activists or the rapists or the despots. As far as I'm concerned you are all incredible, amazing entities, and I feel blessed to encounter every one of you.

I respond to my life as I encounter it, on a moment by moment basis. If I wish to I can choose to be overwhelmed by the suffering out there. There sure is enough of it. I could also choose to be overwhelmed by the beauty and the love. There's enough of that also. There's enough of everything. Generally I choose not to be overwhelmed. Why should I? The universe inside me is as infinite in its beauty and ugliness as the universe outside me.

I do not have to earn my place. It simply is mine. It cannot be taken from me, not by polluters or politicians or rapists or murderers or activists. I need not apologise for my time here, and I don't seek an apology from them.

I'm enraptured by existence, and I observe that what I give to it it returns to me in profound and incredible ways. I do not need a blueprint, whether religious or idealogical, that has been drawn up by somebody else. My fulfilment as a being is not something that waits for me in the future, after I have given a suitable account of myself. I am a being right here and right now. I am filled to fullness with being, right here and right now. And the times when I act clumsily are as much a part of my perfect existence as the times when I act with grace.

And if I am so filled as I am with the tender compassion I feel for those who hurt others out of the hurt that they feel within themselves, then I'll not deny myself that same tender compassion.

Please...care about the things you care about without inhibition. Do as your truest inner wisdom guides you to do. And if you wish to see me as misguided or apathetic or ill informed then you can go ahead and do that.

Or you might even want to look a bit closer.

By the way, I fink you're lovely and I'm so glad you're in my life. Xxx

Tatiana

Dear Ianto, I love what you have written, I love the strength and clarity you have around your own worth and validity, I love that you want to affirm the beauty of all manifestations of life, I love your seeking to open yourself to compassion...I am also wondering if you though there was a judgement in my posting or if you though I implied that your worth and right to be how you choose to be was in question or if you thought I was demanding from you to be different or to act different....if that is the case I would like to clarify that that was not at all part of my thinking, I am genuinely interested and curious about your way to relate to the world and I was wanting to understand you better, that's where my questions were coming from, they weren't accusations in disguise...so whilst I have become very clear about the fact that you are aware of the suffering in the world and you have developed some mistrust around the information you are given that does not come from your own experience and that you have a world view which seeks to accept and embrace the whole of life with its beauty and ugliness, I am still curious about what is it that guides your everyday choices within that context, say for instance in the example I had given....I am saying this because whilst I am very curious and fascinated by everybody's theories and ideas about life I am even more interested in their practical manifestations...if you want to share this with me without any sense that you are having to justify yourself I would really appreciate the opportunity of getting to know you better...with love x x x

ANOTHER REPLY

Posted on Facebook by Ian Moore on Saturday, 16 April 2011 at 20:40 ·

Thanks for this discussion, my favourite Tati in all the world.

Of course I don’t think you’re judging me. When I make such strong and clear assertions about me being valid, and not needing to earn my place, I’m asserting it to myself more than to anybody else. I know my own validity is a simple enough understanding, but it’s not one that society has taught me. I’ve had to come to it by myself and I have to keep reminding myself constantly, because society seems to want to tell me that in order to feel ok about myself I first need to DO all kinds of stuff. When we have discussions about appropriate responses to the suffering in the world it’s very easy for me to start doubting my own worth, to start feeling that sense of guilt that so many people in the modern world carry about.

I refuse to do that, and I refuse strongly. But I only refuse strongly because I need a strong reminder for myself. I don’t think for a second that you are pointing an accusing finger at me. You’re my good friend, Tati, and you never treat me as anything less.

As for the practical manifestation of my point of view…

I don’t make decisions based on the effect it will have on other people or the world, not directly, though it pretty much always comes into it. I try to make each decision based on how it will make ME feel. And I try to do this on a moment by moment basis. And it’s as simple as that.

So I can wheel out a few examples. I will not have a pet, because I feel really uncomfortable at the idea of taking an animal and imposing on it a lifestyle that is not natural to it. A cat, I could possibly cope with, if I had a cat flap and it could come and go as it pleased, only I still wouldn’t because I also don’t want to feel responsible for some animal’s needs on a daily basis, and I know I WOULD take that kind of responsibility very seriously, so I take care not to put myself in that situation. I avoid shopping in charity shops that might potentially contribute to cancer research in case I’d be contributing to animal experimentation.

I generally try to recycle, but sometimes I fail. I generally try to eat healthily, but I still have my morning cake, and other bits of unhealthy food here and there. I generally try to look after myself, but I smoke a little, and occasionally ingest a substance here and there.

Yes, I care about stuff and it informs my actions because it informs how I will feel about myself when I take an action. But like I say, I’m checking in with myself on a moment by moment basis and I’m giving myself permission to be myself, to admit to myself my desires, to be honest with myself about how doing or saying something is likely to make me feel. And so it’s more important to me by far that I have a good level of self knowledge, so that I can be honest with myself ABOUT myself, than it is that I am well informed about the world and the people in it.

When I look at “The News” (which I try not to if at all possible), whether it’s on the TV or the internet or whatever, I don’t see things in terms of “good” and “bad”, “just” and “unjust”. I believe those kinds of value judgements are our own inventions. Wars, rape, pollution, famine, etc … yes, all of that stuff really is happening. And yes, the human race will either evolve into something that is healthy and sustainable or it will extinct itself. I observe that and I shrug. Of course that’s the way it is. If we fail as a collective, then we fail. It is not the future I choose, but if it happens it will not detract from this miraculous existence. In the meantime the finest contribution I can conceive of towards the future I would prefer is my taking responsibility for the evolution of this human called Ianto.

And from my perspective that’s a grand and wonderful undertaking. It’s also the most appropriate, healthy and sustainable undertaking that I can think of for myself. Also from my perspective, every individual out there now, whatever they’re doing, is really only responsible for themselves. From my perspective, when we serve the needs of a pet or a child or an old person or an ill person, we are really only serving the needs of our own development, the desires of our own soul. And that, from my perspective, is how it should be. I believe when one serves out of responsibility to ones own self then there is a truth and an integrity in that (and if that involves political activism, then that’s fine). And I believe that when one serves out of a feeling of responsibility for somebody else’s self then one is dancing with such nasties as guilt and resentment and disempowerment.

Gosh, I do go on, don’t I?

Anyway, lot’s of love to you dear Tati.

Tatiana

Thank you again for a very interesting, articulate and authentic piece of writing Ianto! I really get how important it is to you to affirm your commitment to be yourself and to be true to your human-ness and to take responsibility for it....there are a few more things I would like to ask you, interpretations of your writing that I would like to check with you, but maybe I'll save them for a proper human conversation...love ya x.