I AM A COSMIC ADVENTURER

Posted on Facebook by Ian Moore on Tuesday, 12 April 2011 at 23:46 ·

 

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I've decided I am a cosmic adventurer.

Without the aid of drugs or a rocket ship I've decided this.

Without the aid of some psychosis or self delusion? Mmm - well, gosh, am I even qualified to say? I actually like the idea that there's no such thing as madness, that however we choose to respond to our experience, whether that experience involves hearing voices, seeing pixies or reading the Mirror, is, inherently, a perfectly valid and sane choice. But that feels like a big subject so I'll leave it for another day.

Let us set aside the subject of madness for the moment.

I've decided I am a cosmic adventurer. Right here, right now, sitting in the grass amongst concrete blocks with a view of the sea, writing in longhand, and later, as I type these words up...I am a cosmic adventurer.

After some consideration it has come to feel like a good option.

There are lots of options to choose from of course. I could be religious: a son of God. I could be an atheist and put my faith in reason or logic or science. I could be agnostic (I've a decent amount of respect for the agnostics, by the way - I think they're often more courageous, passionate and insightful than they are given credit for).

In a sense I am working from an agnostic sensibility for, when trying to make sense of, and find peace with, existence the two bales of hay I find myself starving between are these: am I an eternal soul that will continue to exist after the heart of this body stops beating, or am I a straight forward mortal that will one day cease to be?

Yeah, I know, it's probably some weird third option that somehow incorporates the two, yeah? Don't get too smug if you thought of that one.

So, let's just bullet-point those options...

Absolute death at some point in the future.

Living forever.

Weird third option.

So this is the existential menu I've drawn up for myself. I'm happy to concede any of them may be the way it is. And each of these options comes with it's own special brand of terror and appeal.

In the meantime, regardless of whether I pick one or choose the path of the agnostic, I am faced with day to day, moment by moment life: brushing my teeth, having friends, pining for fulfilments.

I tell myself that existence is inherently perfect, inherently beautiful - even the bits that seem to be taken up with suffering. It has become important to me to believe this. Yet despite my keenly philosophical outlook I continue to worry about where my money's gonna come from, and I continue to visualise a near future in which my books and films make me wealthy, respected, admired and loved.

A key point that informs my attitude to life is how little it matters to me which of the menu options I choose. If I am to die forever, then I suppose I should try and give a good account of myself in this brief flicker of life, though I won't be around to see the consequences. If I am to live forever, then I should still probably try to give a good account of myself, although there'll be plenty of time for me to improve on my game (Yes, I do discount the heaven and hell option as patently disproportionate and unfair and I guess it'll just be my bad if I do end up on the end of a pitch fork or floating on a cloud with a bunch of virgins).

But what to do about this incessant worrying about finances and fulfilment? My experience informs me quite clearly that the happiest and most fulfilled I have felt have been those times when I was least concerned about how much money I had and what other people thought of me. The memory of those rare moments are the precious jewels of this life so far.

I made a friend in 2007, a Californian air hostess. I don't get to see her that often, but I'm glad to know she's around. She told me that I'm a newbie on this planet (she claims to be sensitive to this kind of information), that this is only my second incarnation on the planet Earth and basically I'm a cosmic traveller. Now, what shall we make of such claims? Easy enough to simply say she's an airhead as well as an air hostess and move on to the important business of getting a proper job and paying the rent.

But it occurs to me that, regardless of whether she's bang on the money or completely off her trolley (and there doesn't seem to be conclusive evidence either way), I might as well be a cosmic adventurer.

I mean, if I'm going to go my entire life without anybody proving convincingly what it's all about, then, well, it's all up for grabs, isn't it? I may as well just decide for myself who I am. I mean, seriously, who has told me with any credible authority who I am yet? My teachers at school? The government? My doctor? Any of the religions? Any of the scientists?

I observe so many people swanking around the place spouting their beliefs with such amazing conviction, as though they really know what's what. Well, hey, if they can do it, why not me, eh?

I'm a cosmic adventurer. I have no memory of the fact, but I'm not inclined to let that stop me. I'm a cosmic adventurer. I travel the cosmos having experiences. I'm a newbie here on Earth. This is only my second incarnation here and I'm still trying to get used to this place, cos most of you guys, if you don't mind me saying, are a bit potty. That's just an observation, not a judgement.

I'm a cosmic adventurer. It's not necessary for me to buy into all of the nonsense that you earthlings seem to believe is so important because I've been all over the cosmos, and I'm inoculated against the idea that this thing over here is important, and that thing over there is important.

Seriousness is a sadness of the mind.

When you travel the cosmos like I do, you find adventure everywhere. To somebody like me even being born in Salford is an outrageously exotic experience. So alien and strange. Whether I conquer this planet, or end this incarnation drooling in an inauspicious rest home, it matters not, for either life is equally adventuresome to somebody who is a connoisseur of experience like what I am.

I'm a cosmic adventurer. Life suddenly makes sense at last.

About bloody time an' all!